I met Dale and Allie late in the evening on the last night of June. I'd driven to Riverside (home of lots of citrus and the frozen burrito patent-er) from central LA just in time for bed. Which was at 9pm, because we were waking up at 4:30 the next day. Naturally.

I've decided to organize this post with a calendar theme. I only lived with Dale and Allie for two days, but I learned about how they spend their individual days and entire years. Prepare to get wiser just reading this.

The Mission Inn in Riverside, where they stayed in January 2017.

January, each year
Dale and Allie step away from daily life, spend a few days at a hotel, and debrief on the past year. They hang out, reflect, and set goals. Everyone in America should do this, I've decided. 

5:00 am Saturday, weekly
Dale and Allie leave their home each week to meet a group called the Redlands Runegades. They meet at Panera, run twelve miles, then eat breakfast together. These people are runners—intense, amazing runners—yes. But they are also inspiring in the way they live their lives, and that's one reason Dale and Allie spend time around them. They're from Germany, Australia, South Africa—everywhere. Dale and Allie also spend time with this group to be real-life Christians in these people's friend groups. Subversive. Sneaky. Actually, it's not secretive at all. Dale called it part of the "woof and weft" of their lives—that's the white strings on the back of a rug that hold it together. Hanging out with people who aren't like them is a part of their lifestyle because it's important to them. 

Sunrise-ish, daily
In this picture, I'd told Dale to make his "barista face." He is a boss at espresso creations, which Allie said has been "good for [their] marriage." Ha. This is what he made me the afternoon after our 4:30 wake-up call. 

Daily, weekly, continually
Dale and Allie would listen and talk and share stories and let the other share the story. They can describe who does which chores because they've adjusted it to their individual preferences. They choose to say "I would prefer ____" when they discuss something, because they've found it staves off annoyance and misunderstanding. They decide how to spend their time and money and energy, and that's how they spend it. 

Dale and Allie don't live solely by routine. The Sunday I was there, we went on a hike instead of going to church, because their running group had a once-a-year Fourth of July hike. But Dale and Allie's intentional scheduling and self-awareness have become the structural support for the life they want to live. It allows them to hang virtue and love and cut-out Christmas cards on the timeline of their days. They're becoming the people they want to be, because they're selecting their goals and acting on them. 

Here's the first of the last posts! Finishing up reports on Track I just in time to start Track II. My time with Dale and Allie was precious. Here's a quick bit about it!

Elan is an absolute queen. Sorry that this post is so delayed—I should have posted it by the beginning of July. Regardless, enjoy the picture walk-through of life in LA with Elan!

Elan arrived Thursday night, after I'd hung out with her husband Michael for almost two days. When she came in, she started talking, and I started taking notes. She told me about undergrad, law school, life in California (she's from Ohio!), and her kids. Michael would jump in every now and then, helping her tell a story or relating it to something he'd already told me. And I thought they looked basically adorable, so I took this picture, except the lighting on Elan's face is a little weird; sorry, Elan. There's a real pic of her further down, and then you can see how freaking gorgeous she is.

Here's Elan's home office, which they converted from a tiny garage.

Here's the inside. On Friday, we spent from 8am till 1-ish on conference calls. Being very important, changing the world, that kind of thing. 

Elan and I spent Friday afternoon packing for her next trip—a week of vacation in Massachusetts for the fourth of July. She hates packing, but we got it done, and then we prepped party snacks for that evening. She'd invited her friends over, and I loved all of them. There was Jo (Joe? Is Jo always how women spell it?) and Debbie and Robbie and Jessica and Allison, and I'm realizing that I don't know how to spell any of these names so I'm going to stop listing them. But I loved being around them, and it gave me hope that I don't hate parties, I just don't like college-aged kids. Give me a room full of moms, I guess, and I'll be completely happy! (hahaha jk) (but not rly) (I am 39 at heart).

Elan had told me about these women in her initial response to me. Because most of them don't have family in LA, they are each other's encouragers, protectors, and supporters. The crew of these women and their husbands met each other when their kids were in elementary school, and they've been each other's people ever since. 

One of the ladies, Allison, is married to a guy named Tim. Elan had told me this, but Tim had a stroke in late April of this year. He was in Tampa, Elan was in Cleveland, and Allison was in LA, along with the rest of the group. As soon as they heard the news, this tight group of families mobilized. They got Allison to Tampa and cared for Tim and Allison's kids. Elan canceled a work trip and flew to Tampa to support Allison. In the months since, the group has supported the family as Tim switches rehab facilities and as Allison adjusts to this new pattern of life. 

This experience represented to Elan the archetypal story of their friend group. Once during the party, Elan looked around, then looked at me, then said "This." 

"This is what's important, what gives life meaning. These people."

And it was true! I had gotten to watch Senior-Vice-President-Elan, who has three phone calls at once and flies across the country four times a month. I had heard about lawyer-Elan, who hated practicing law, and about mom-Elan, who didn't feel cut out to stay at home all the time. And when I saw Friday-evening-hostessing-friend Elan, I understood that her many skills and talents and even her weaknesses or dislikes slid around that group like sock feet on a wood floor. They concentrated into her best self, yet they also diffused into the charismatic group dynamic. And from what I could see, that's how all the ladies were. Their friendships weren't sappy, or over-sweet, they were just exactly real life. And that's what they needed that night I was there, June 30th, 2017, and that's what they had needed for the ten, fifteen, twenty years before then. Life, for them, was in each other, as their streets and lives crisscrossed and their kids grew up.